Togetherness !!!

Everyone wants a time space for them self which is important to grow with , introspect and evolve. many parents share and wonder why children don't give that time space for parents to be themselves. Parents wonder why don't children understand when told so clearly and repeatedly . i was wondering when i heard parents talk and how they get stressed off due to this reason. This is because most of the parents have done the same with the child. How? when a child was cutting a paper , learning to hold scissors what was our reaction No and parents stop it , when parents in hurry and child is observing a toy in toy shop or at home, they stop them and ask them to simply follow without any questions, when child is playing in mud , water or running around , every activity that is a developmental mile stone for the child , knowingly or unknowingly interrupted and stopped .now child can not concentrate and gets distracted easily as he is used to get interrupted. when we interrupt in child's growth he looses it as well, he repeats the same with parents. allow the child to explore and you just participate in his growth like a facilitator. this is the first step of respecting child's activities which may allow him to explore his inner creativity and outer world as well.
Second thing, normally  parents give instruction to children saying" leave me alone i want to stay myself and can talk later, be quite". this gives child a sought of separation anxiety and as well thinking why can't he be the reason of your joy anymore, etc. Now one needs to understand and think if you are including your child in your silence too!!!! very important to express and make child feel that you are with the child and child with you together in silence observing self, so child is moving around and yet calm as he understands you need time to be yourself. child is calm as he knows he is included in your silence too rather you don't say " Leave me alone, just go, don't disturb me or knock my door as i want to be alone for some time" when you say this to the child, he is left with lot of questions with in why , how , what , etc Inclusion in silence too allows the child to stay calm. you allow child to grow with in by not interrupting in his growth , by allowing him to complete his learning !! sense of being together is empowering and important to be with or let go.
 lets meditate together...lets experience silence together ....in the presence or absence of each other!!

SHY..!!

A Parent asks "My child is very shy and doesnt mingle with kids easily , even with familier people and with strangers too she feels shy to ask or express." what to do?
A shy child is anxious or inhibited in unfamiliar situations or when interacting with others. A shy child is most likely to be nervously constrained if they feel they are ‘on show’, such as when meeting someone new or having to speak in front of others. A shy child is much more comfortable to watch the action from the sidelines rather than join in. 

Most children feel shy from time to time but the lives of some are severely curtailed by their shyness. Children who suffer from extreme shyness may grow out of it as they mature or they may grow up to be shy adults. Parents can help their children to overcome mild shyness. 
Any expression which stops the child to grow is to be addressed if you as parent notice it is more then required. Shyness is also an expression and its cute to some extent but if it stops child from getting along with all socially and express her needs then its time to look in to it. Did you ever notice how as a parent you would have played a role in it too? for example most of the parents hold on child even when the child is able to walk, they talk on behalf of child even though she can speak, a fear of strangers is put into child , a sense of insecurity, over protectiveness , criticisms , not letting child be self, inturding into her learning hampers her self confidence, etc...their can be many such reasons for the child not being able to express , As parent one needs to create an environment for child to overcome such expressions right from toddler age. allow child interact with neigbours or kids in park. let the child express her or his needs like, when i used to make a list of groccery i used sit with him and ask him his list of things he needs and after we reach supermarket i would explain him the process and if he doesnt find , he could ask sales person for the items in the list. this way he learnt to ask, talk to strangers and feel confident that he can get and ask for himself. sending kids to neighbours home for some information , asking kid to plan games if his friends coming in to play, this way he would learn to lead the team as he has planned it and has to explain. everything is an oppurtunity for kids to learn provided you allow.Never label the child nor allow someone do so.Your criticism will hamper the childs emotions even further.Build emotional bond which helps her feel secure in any new environment.Be supportive, empathic and understanding.Share your experience of coping up with your shyness as a child and the advantages of it. appreciate their skills. Allow child to explore her world by just being around when required. IF we Parents are relaxed and do whats required they florish in no timeeffortlessly. I remember My child was shy when he joind his school and at the of the term he was given title" Lion of the Class"..!! And He is ...!!

Nurture nature

By growing years children experience lot of physical and mental changes. We as parents support with an environment for them to nurture their nature. Some basic things which we would have taught them like sharing somethings is great and holding back somethings is also ok as in both the cases you care by sharing and by being responsible in holding back some things which may need permission to use by others. without falling much into good and bad but by just bringing back the awareness into being makes it all the more effortless.My teen son has this new experience of his ego which he is able to observe and learning to letgo as well. just like its ok to keep some things to self i shared with him that its ok to have ego , positive atimes and you are aware of it. when you see that ego is hurting you or someone unreasonably then you may want to letgo it off. thats when your care is more important  then ego.Every step in life is a learning. At this stage of teen to be able to nurture his nature is a beautiful journey. !!

Save Water..!!

Akash  keeps tap on while he is brushing , his brother reminds to close the tap off while brushing  as it saves water and how the water is useful to many of us in many ways. next day i squeeze the paste and water comes out....i asked akash why is paste so soft , he says mom every day we put paste on brush and switch on the tap to wet it .... what a waste of water so i put little water inside the toothepaste and shaked it off...now u can brush straight away ...!!!Save water!!!!!!! What an idea sirji !!!

Can i be like U....!!

Akash comes to me and asks for my new set of pens to try it out...i just gave him to have an experience of writing different pens...my elder son Ashwin looks stuck ,with mouth wide open....and says Mom how do u just share it off without holding back....i cnt give my new pen without thinking for second or sometimes i even feel like holding back things out of ego, its a bit tuff for me to letgo off my things or myself ....how do you do it ..can i be like u...i wonder..!!.i just smiled and asked him why do think so i can give up ego specially when it comes to nurture you....he understood ...i shared coz my care is more then my ego. when your care  is more then your ego everything falls in place effortlessly. I never came a trained parent but i did change diapers and did all the cleanup and waking up to make you comfortable and thats coz my care is more then my ego. i appreciated him for being aware of the reasons like noticing his own ego and holding back things and issues.In a couple of weeks i observed that he started seeing things and people in a different perspective. he is more willing and at ease to share, listen and reciprocate.  

In Conversation.....Got it !!!

In Conversation with my son.....we were at ice-cream corner and i just asked him why do you think we buy somethings for you and somethings we don't buy...? relishing his chocolate ice cream he thinks for a minute and  says it could be budget planning and you buy what is needed...i said smart boy and asked him given a choice to buy a tennis racket or a fancy toy which one do you like to buy ? he said " off course tennis racket mom"...why? coz its required and i can make best use of it and play well. so what is that is making you choose it? he says my intelligence and brilliance to able to see what is required and what is not essential haha!! i said right so has it got anything to do with whether you have money or not or whether you can effort or not or is it to do with your wise choices or intelligence? he says if i need i get it..!! then he suddenly said i got it what you want to say...and i  gave clearance again to ensure .... We normally compare in terms of possessing  more and more gadgets and fancy toys and video games   etc which make child feel the difference of Rich and Poor and that the more money the more you can buy whatever you want but i wanted him to understand that its our choice to choose what we actually see as required or can put to use rather then just posses for the sake of it . once you feel that a particular thing would help you grow and contribute to self and others which you feel is required then it comes to you. No matter how costly it is, its our choice and vision that decides our ability to have things or people in our life not the budget. so this feeling of oh i wish i had this and that which sharukh khans son has or ambani son has gets vanished  when "you can see what actually makes you get what you want" !!!! got it???

ME TIME...!!!

A parent was sharing , "our child did a mischief and feels guilty as part of his realisation but as parents we are very upset to see child sad so want to do something to make child happy, take to toy shop , buy something or take them out etc.so that child gets happy and not sad.please suggest some tips".

Well i really appreciate parents want to do their best for the child and are concerned about their emotional well being too.Lot of tips on making child happy can be given like taking child out or play etc list goes on but what i am seeing is , one needs to go to the roots of the concern. As parents all want children to grow emotionally strong.One needs to understand that being happy and sad are part of learning . if you as aparent  express that being sad is not ok and only being happy is ok....it will make her feel the same...so how do expect her to handle her weakness or sadness with not okness?? child will only learn to reject the expression of sadness thinking its not good to be sad rather then knowing that its ok to be sad and now what....focus on solutions when i see my child is upset or sad ..i just smile and say ..its ok to be sad too....as long as learning happening...we interpret it as sad but its a time taken by individual ...a silence to look within and coz during that time kid doesnt jump around we feel we need to do something to make her happy.....infact we need to respect that ME Time they take off to understand their thought process and express too in the form of cry or not wanting anything is also ok....my kid goes off to terrace to calm down and when he is back....i just smile and ask if he wants to share something or is everything ok...if he wants to join us for dinner or i ask if he needs some more time for himself.....i dont belittle that time he takes off to learn himself by saying oh why are u sad , what shall i do for you to be happy.....nothing from outside will make them happy until they are clear in their thought process so i just be thr around and  i do appreciate that they took time off to know them selfs and came back smiling...am clear i cnt be every where they go to tell them what to do and what not to do.....so i told them learn to look within and make decisions and am always thr.....mistakes are welcome too..every expression is important Navarasa happy sad anger all are part of us and equally important but surprisingly when some one smiles we dont ask stop it but if cry then we ask why what advice and ask them to stop and try to teach good and bad etc.All you need to know is its natural and be ok with it, rest falls in place by being. Build the bond with children and before any thought comes to their mind you will be able to feel it...my kids wonder and ask mom how did u know am thinking this...is it coz am born from ur womb u know all my thoughts? that could be a reason but the best was to tell them i was a child and a teenager too Sweety!! so i relate it easily.Be childlike you know it all.gdluck.

Allow them to be Aware ....

well its quite a time i wrote something...so am here to share a bit....it was bedtime and my son while he tucks into his bed says...."mom you know am practicing hiphop on justin beaver songs, n i google searched about this guy...he looks cool but not so cool , and u know what he and his girl freind make 100 calls to eachother per day., thats crazy..isnt it..."....i said ya looks like they are on a crazy space now and  they are ok with it...he 13 yrs n Am a Teens Mom..got to deal with his doubts  etc....theirs lot happening around , nation raised voice on Nirbhaya case and now the two solidiers death and so on...yes i completely agree govt has to make some laws and implement  , women need to learn self protection and all that, now all these are long term solutions , it may take time but until then at individual level what can i do is my stand. i cant wait for the laws to change , my kids may grow up. so here is what i can do, teach my kids about child abuse(refer to good touch n bad touch article on the blog) , self empowerment which includes self protection , sex education, physical fitness etc.teach them respect women by doing so, do not boost boys ego by doing things for them just coz they are boys,extend the same concern to your friends and society. educate self and others in ur way.every small thing makes a difference in the childs growth and understandings.we need to be aware off.

 another important thing i feel, its working with me is, let children learn handle situations by being aware of it. when my kids come over with their complaints on eachother for things like he took my papers , pencils, toys or cycle or any fight ...all they want is  me to hear and solve it sometimes and atimes we tend to judge and tell them behave well...and we emotionaly get involved in it and it becomes a big thing to handle, what i did is i told them they are now growing up and need to check their words and actions as mom cant be everywhere , so when they fight i just hear to them and remind them that if they have done some mistake, learn from it, its a self check list, now everytime i dont hv to tell them whats wrong and right...they check and i just remind them to see how they can add beauty , care, silence n all that to the family and every where they go.. its like oh ur upset , u want to scream, hit...just check how will it help u or other, just take few seconds and think....everytime its gone be better and better as they watching themselfs, we dont tell them constantly good and bad, they know it within..and the consequences too.just keep reminding that they have the stregnth within  to be aware off themselves and by doing so they contribute alot to the surroundings and people.In long run they learn to handle themselves and situation well.